Maturity

13 Apr

Tonight I heard a comment from my girlfriend in the middle of our conversation that “I’m not matured yet”. My mind suddenly uttered something that I didn’t really think before with “It’s our decision to make, not time…just like praying or fasting, we may not like to do it, indeed we decide to do it”. To be honest, it was not the first time I heard such saying “I’m not matured yet”, “I want to enjoy my young age”, “This is my time to have fun”.

What I’m saying is there is nothing wrong with having fun, I encourage it to be involved in whatever we are doing instead. The problem occurs when “fun” becomes the end, and we attached to it. We are all responsible for whatever we are doing, even to the deepest level of thinking. What we enjoy as fun, could be a suffering for someone else, as what usually lame joke does and could be a problematic end to ourselves indeed.

Then what maturity is? Personally for me, it is not just to do more right things, it is the bravery and honesty to admit that many times we are being wrong and not to fall to the same pit twice. Matured parents are able to admit that their kids might have better information about things, matured couple are able to see relationship matters clearly without the feeling of unfair judgements, matured teachers are able to improve their teaching skills by letting students surprise them with what they got. Being wrong has no feeling, realizing that we were wrong has, and it takes maturity to get through that feeling with a winner mentality and see the problem as pure as it is.

Some of you might think that this has something to do with Grand Unified Theory of physics. Yes, you are correct. We are responsible for our thinking as it might be polluting the waves within our environment. Thus we need to be aware and guard what it is doing time to time. We need to stop and take a step back of our life, analyze, realize, decide to correct the things we have done wrong, and grateful for things we do right. If we feel we are heading to the wrong direction, admit it, and make a strong commitment to correct it, and the world will help. If we feel we are heading to the right direction, ask for more support as the Unmanifested is always in ourselves, listening.

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Anxious Flux

10 Apr

It’s been a long time since the last time I wrote in this blog ’bout useful. I better ask myself what I have been doing for all those invisibility from here:

First: working, is obviously took most of my time. Editing videos, arranging events. Office hours: 9 to 6, yes 9 hours a day, what a workaholic country it is. I am realising the seconds passing by due to the bore! I have to take two hours travel to go to the office, and back. Yes, it is four hours in total. The reason: I have to survive, and I was believing at the promise that they’re going to hire me permanently, in this respective area.

Do I enjoy it? Now? Not really, I am trying to calm myself down day by day. I’m about to leave this job due to the reason that I have to be transferred if I wanted to stay in this company. In which I don’t want to, first: I’m going no where out of Malaysia; second: my value is dying here. When an organisation is pursuing no more than just being number one in the industry and nothing else, sorry guys but my dream is bigger than this.

I’ve been applying for jobs in some places and waiting for the calls for interview. Anxious? Sure there is. The time is getting tighter day by day. Am I happy? I can’t say no. I still have a lot to be grateful about. Now that I have time to write this is one of them.

Second: reading. I am still reading several books. The Power of Now by Eckhart Toole, and Leaders With No Title by Robin Sharma is the second one. I love those books, written beautifully with insights about life. I think it is one of the way for us to guard the garden of our mind, to keep it busy doing the right, even though sometimes boring things. Am I choosy with my reading materials? No, I basically read anything ranging from music to philosophy. Every word, contains wisdom that are too priceless to be left unread.

Third: playing music. This is obviously one of my best wasted time. I love spending time in front of tutorial videos, adding vocabularies to my playing. Choosing the licks I like, tasting the feeling of songs I love to sing. The feeling of loosing a sense of time out of normal routine. It is just lovely.

Fourth: leisure time, it is inclusive of dating and teaching guitar. Ouh yeah, I really do love the first one. To find someone who we really love and do love us back in probably bigger amount than what we have given into relationship is a bliss. Teaching guitar as sharing my small expertise is an opportunity for me to build a great future through somebody else. I’m passing my personal values along the way.

Those are my excuse, and now I am telling myself: NO MORE EXCUSES! If you want to reach your dream to be an inspiring writer: DO WRITE AHMAD NIQI FAUZAN!

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Latest Videos

23 Feb

Here are several videos that I have done recently for several special occasions and persons. Hope you enjoy it. Cheers!

Airwyn Ernisya that I mentioned on the videos is truly one special person in my life. Even today She was just doing something that I know remarkable in my life, and I will never stop appreciating that. She’s the one that I would be so moron if I ever let her go out of my life. Deep within my soul, I know THIS IS THE END OF MY SEARCH FOR THE RIGHT ONE!

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So This is Goodbye…

22 Sep

The thing never now, were you (unintelligible)
You’re gone and I won’t see you anymore
You left my love on the run
And said that you were leaving
And you won’t come home again (x2)

And I’ll miss you like you’re dead
But I never got to grieve you
Cause I saw you
In the arms of someone else

So your phantom follows me
Like a child would his mother
Or a lover who never said goodbye
It’s only saying goodbye

And I cry myself to sleep
And you thought I was happy
I was lonely
Had nowhere to go

And I heard that you moved on
Found a brand new family
And changed your married name
And everything has changed

And I’ll miss you like you’re dead
And find a way to grieve you
Cause I need to
Try and start again

And your ghost will have to leave
Like a child would his mother
Or a lover
Who has to say goodbye
It’s always say goodbye
It’s always say goodbye
It’s always say goodbye
Goodbye
It’s always say goodbye
It’s always say goodbye
It’s always say goodbye
It’s always say good good good

This song sounds so dark, especially with the remix and the hurt that impeded in the lyric that make me close my eyes and suddenly see myself in the blatant darkness of misery. This is when we accept and embrace the past “so your phantom follows me“, God damn I cant imagine how hurt this guy was. 

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How mad we are…

21 Sep

Every single of us, falls on the spectrum of insanity in which we have a lil bit madness… Some of us are obsessed with drugs, sex, controls, foods, games, relationships, security, you name it. Others are banging their heads on the wall, some other close their eyes on the trance-music and got high just in the snap of fingers.

We all have our own dark side, none of us have the right to say that we are the right human being for other to be followed and inspired of. We put our ‘moral’ mask when we go out of our door to be accepted by our societies, wherever we are. We put the walls around us to avoid being observed by the police of moral that will judge us by our appearance, the way we walk, the way we talk, or even fire that comes trough our eyes, no matter how saturated or vivid it is.

Life is a miracle and a mystery at the same time. You’ll never know what’s inside the head of your loved ones, you can never judge the farmer of yourself until their slaughter you and at that time, it’s already too late to avoid the devastation that happened, name it physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

So maybe this is the time for us to appreciate the silent and stillness, to think peacefully of where we are, where are we going, who are our true friends on the thin and thick, or maybe just to savor the element of silent and stillness that is referred as oasis in this frenetic pace of our world today.

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Why Mom (A Monologue)

29 Aug

Can u stop screaming at me Mom! I’m really tired and sick of listening to it. You asked me to keep silent and not to answer and challenge you, but you asked me for answers! You asked me answers of why did I do those things, but you never actually gave me time to speak out my mind! What the hell actually do you want from me?

You want me to be honest? Can’t you remember when there’s a beggar in front of our door and you asked me to tell him that you’re not home? Aint that a lie? I may be young, but I know what consistency means, teachers in my school teach me bout that when God creates gravity. He is consistent! Freaking consistent!

You want me to be respectful to you? Have you ever heard yourself when you scream at me? Do you think you respect me as your son? Have you ever stopped telling me what to do and never let me know why I should listen to you other than just ‘COZ I’M UR MOM, I BROUGHT YOU TO THIS LIFE!’ I hope you can be more creative than that Mom.

You asked me to keep learning, I just really hope that I can tell you proudly what I have learnt outside there, about physics, biology, about how different and rich the world out there. I just want you to appreciate me, but do you realise that you have no time for me but to complain that I kept asking you for your money and you’re so afraid that you will not have more for you to buy your shoe.

Listen Mom, I’m gonna stop there. Thank you for the nine months, thank you for the food you gave me, thank you for all the love you gave me when I was a child, not a teenager like now. Thank you for all the time you kept me at home with warmth and protection.

From now on, let me be myself, I think I like music, I wanna play drum, it looks cool and powerful you know! I think I’m starting to like girls too, don’t worry, I know they can be pregnant, and I know their heart are not made from glass. My friends’ say drugs are fun, but don’t worry, I’ve read all the facts, and you have raised a smart son.

From now on, I’ll be a mature man, knowing that you did your best based on your knowledge and stop whining ‘why mom’.

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I was There!!!

8 Jul

I think it’s great to start with honesty. I went to the north, and I reached Perlis, but not by bike, one of my dearest friends’ family took me there where her mom’s family stays. I drop my bike at Sg. Petani at that time. Other honesty is, I got a ride a couple of times, first ride was from Ronda Plus. Well, bicycle is not supposed to be in the highway in Malaysia. However, they’re suppose to know how stubborn I am. One of the ronda plus officer told me anyway, that highway is actually safer since they have the side road for motorbike to ride safely. Second ride came from a Bangla, who has a business at Bt. Ais or any area sounds like that, I didn’t really get it when he talks though. That’s all. Now, let’s get it started.

1st day: Dark in the morning, creepy, exciting, and fresh. I was a lil bit confused too, since I haven’t really met the road yet but through a map and GPS. Instead of taking highway, I took the old Ipoh road. It was a hot Friday of 1st July. I arrived at one mosque at one area called Batang Kali. Took a shower there before the prayer, and talked to the local who leads me to go to the highway, and assured me how safe it is compared to the old road. After prayer, I slept at the mosque for 15 minutes. Which was quite refreshing after five straight hours of paddling. No cram yet, every muscles seems to worked lightly. I was wondering how the 2nd ride felt like.

So I went to the highway, from a place called Tanjung Malim, where the 1st weird thing happened. Sometimes, when the road went up, there is a little bit push at my back and it feels effortless to pedal my bike. Vice versa, when the road went down, my tires seemed not to be working together with gravity. One theory is, it was too hot, and the tires stick to the asphalt. However, I still cant find the explanation of the push feeling at the slightly uphill road, is it the wind from the big vehicle passing by or what?  I dont know. I slept at Slim River that night, reached the toll plaza around 7.30, and start to look after a place to take some food. A mamak was there, nearby the Petronas, where I thought to be a good place for a crash, the surau.

2nd day: Here I met and introduced to Ronda Plus. I was stopped on the middle of nowhere, they asked me to get out of the highway was soon as possible. The reason: the procedure, bicycle is not allowed on the highway, once. I went straight anyway, like nothing happened before. Only one thing on my mind, Ipoh to stay at that night. I met one perhentian (rest place) at Tapah at noon, so I stopped, took my rest and food there for a while. The rujak buah there is the best compared to other places I’ve ever tasted around Malaysia. As soon as i felt it was not too hot, i hit the road again. About two hours of a ride, another ronda stopped by and asked me to get out of the highway, again. This time, I forced them a bit, if they wanted me to get out of the road, they better take me to the car and lead me there. They did, after they replaced one tire of a Mer-C in the middle of the road. What a good people. So I arrived at Ipoh safely, and took a decision to have a good rest on a good place. One budget hotel called Tambun Inn was a choice, I didnt really like the place, so I went for a bit walk for dinner. Found a mamak after 15 mins of walk.

3rd day: Plan to went off of Ipoh in the morning. So I woke up at 6 as usual and found out my back tyre was out of air. I decided to sleep for another two hours, to wait for the sun goes up, and the shops to be opened. I went for a breakfast, asked people around about where to fix it. I arrived at the place, it was closed. I asked people around again, and Shell’s employee said that that shop will be opened at noon. I waited for two hot hours there. Thinking of how much further could I go if my tyre was just fine.

As soon as it’s fixed, I hit the road again, it was freakingly hot. The tyres stick to the asphalt as hell, it wasnt moving even though the road went down. It was one of the hardest time, the time when it was all tested, the patience, the resilience, the stamina, the strength. It was the time when I was thinking to stop it all, give up, and head back. One side, my head said that it wasn’t the real me, another side was questioning what actually am I going to get out of this. I tried to keep it calm, and ignore all the voices. Meditation works, most of the time in life, we just shut our ears, even from ourselves, and move on on the things we know is right. I closed my eyes, breathe rightly, shut my mind from speaking too much, and proceed.

Good things happened indeed, one Bangladeshi named Jakir was selling vegetables with his van on the side of the road. I stopped by and asked their story They are all Bangladeshi, who have been working in Malaysia for a long time. Other than the vegetables businessman, they’re hard labor, who are working for the highway’s company on the side of the road to make sure there is no land slide. This man, Jakir asked me to get on his van and will stop me by the road. I took the offer, and I felt really lucky to took it, since there was a big accident on the middle of the road right about 5 km from the road he took me. A big lorry with gas in it hit the railing in the middle of the road, and got burnt before we got there. The jam was about 10 Km, it was awful.

To be continued….

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